It may not be what you think
I’ve always believed in focusing on strengths. Build on what we do well. Get our weaknesses to a point where they’re not in the way, but don’t spend life trying to turn them into something they’re not. There are skills we are born with that we need to fully develop. We need to take our weaknesses to a place where we are competent with them without expecting them to become superpowers.
That approach has served me well, and over time, I’ve come to see something else. Weaknesses don’t just sit there quietly once they’re “good enough.” If we’re not paying attention, they start shaping our choices in ways we don’t intend.
I’ve seen that in my own life.
I’m an introvert. Not the kind that talks about it much. Most people see me as outgoing and approachable, which I am. It is one of those weaknesses I’ve improved from bad to okay, or maybe a little better. Let’s call it a B-minus.
Big events were never comfortable for me. Conferences, charity events, reunions. I don’t feel comfortable going into a big room and making connections. My pattern, in the past and sometimes still, was to find someone I knew and stay close to them. Or I’d step away — a quick trip to the restroom, a glance at my messages.
Early in my career, I didn’t go to big professional conferences. Not because they weren’t useful, but because I didn’t like the way I had to show up in them. I told myself I preferred one-on-one conversations, which is true. But that preference came with a cost I didn’t fully appreciate at the time. As a result, I never built a broad professional network. I see colleagues who have known each other for the past twenty-five years and how much they appreciate those connections.
For a long time, I framed all of this as a matter of personality. “This is just how I am.” As I began to see the power of being “strengths-based,” I noticed something else in how I lived with these weaknesses.
It wasn’t just discomfort. It was how I was letting my life narrow. My world was being shaped by what I avoided. The important community or professional events I missed, the people I didn’t meet, the conversations I didn’t start. The opportunities that were lost.
I wasn’t intentionally choosing what was next. I was letting my weakness quietly shape it for me.
I still believe in focusing on strengths. That’s how we grow and create momentum, and I think we miss something when we talk about weaknesses, which I find is what my clients always want to focus on in our discussions.
Clients often ask how to overcome their weaknesses. I tell them we don’t need to turn them into strengths — most of the time, we won’t anyway. However, we can’t ignore them either. They don’t stay neutral. If we ignore them, they begin to seep further into our thinking and behavior, ultimately narrowing our options.
“I can’t learn that.” “I’m too old to try something new.” “I’ve never been good at that.”
I’ve learned to manage this part of myself. I can walk into those rooms now and start conversations when I need to. I’m competent at it. I’m still not comfortable, and I don’t expect that to change.
That was never the goal. The goal was to make sure this part of me didn’t keep deciding where I would and wouldn’t show up, costing me relationships, community involvement, and business opportunities.
When people start thinking about what’s next, they usually focus on what they want to move toward. Sometimes the better question is simpler.
“What am I avoiding that’s quietly shaping my direction?”
That’s usually where the answer is.
And it’s not always easy to see on your own. If these ideas hit close to home for you, it’s worth a conversation.
Send me a note below, and we’ll find a time to connect.
