When where you matter has changed
I spoke with a longtime friend recently. We’ve known each other since third grade. It was his birthday, and we were catching up.
At one point he said he had a negative critique of my writing.
I prepared myself for what he was about to say.
Then he said, “You know your last post before this one was early December. You’ve written every week for over ten years. When I didn’t hear from you for six weeks, I got concerned.
I missed reading you.”
He added, “If you’re going to take a break, let people know. Some of us notice.”
That wasn’t criticism. It was a gift. There is nothing more than a writer or anyone wants to hear than you are missed.
It reminded me that mattering often shows up quietly. Not through praise or metrics, but when someone notices you not being there.
Think back to when you started a new job or stepped into a new role.
You were energized. People wanted your input. Your presence changed the room. You knew that you mattered.
Now ask yourself a simple question.
How is it now?
You may still be capable. Still respected. Still included.
But does your presence carry the same weight?
When that shift happens, people often assume they’re burned out. In many cases, they’re not exhausted at all.
What’s draining them is continuing to show up where their presence no longer makes a difference in the same way.
Burnout is about energy management.
This is about relevance management.
And relevance changes with time, roles, and life stages.
That doesn’t mean something is wrong. It may just mean that something has completed and it is time to move on to your new life.
The real question isn’t how to get your motivation back.
It’s where you want your presence to make a difference in your life and in the world.
That is what it is about.
If This Resonated with You
Recognizing that something has completed is often the first step toward deciding what comes next. I work with successful people in transition to distinguish between temporary exhaustion and the deeper signal that it may be time for a new stage. If you’re wondering where your presence belongs now, I’d be glad to talk.
P.S. If you’re feeling bold, take a second today to tell someone you missed them or noticed their absence. As my friend taught me, it’s one of the greatest gifts you can give.
P.P.S. I’m curious—what’s one area of your life where you know your presence still truly changes the room? Sometimes just naming it makes the “mattering gap” feel a little smaller. Feel free to add it to your comments.
